What’s Purple and Lies at the Bottom of the Ocean?

The first joke I remember hearing was one my dad told me when I was roughly four years old, and yes, it was a food joke.

I didn’t think it was terribly funny at the time. Actually, I didn’t think it was funny at all. Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate it slightly more for its dry, surreal humor.

I’ll lay it on ya:

Q. What’s purple and lies at the bottom of the ocean?

A. Moby Grape.

Killer right? Wait, though. I’ve got a few more…

Yes, inspired by of a slew of bad news (the economy, war, food recalls, etc. etc.), today’s post is dedicated to almost all the stupid food jokes I know.

Fair warning: I ate a lot of Laffy Taffy as a child, and I’m afraid it informed my sense of humor irrevocably.

I’ll do the kid-safe ones first and leave the slightly NSFK joke for the end. You can just imagine the little rimshot after the punchlines, or get one here: Ba-dum-CHING!

Q. Why did the mushroom go to the party?
A. He was a fun-guy. (This one might work better aloud.)

Q. Why did the fungi leave the party?
A. There wasn’t mush room. (Oh, it’s so terrible!)

Q. Why don’t lobsters share?
A. They’re shellfish.

Larry: Man, times is hard. My cousin just got fired from the orange juice company.
Mo: Oh yeah? Why’s that?
Larry: He couldn’t concentrate.

Q. Did the grape scream when the elephant stepped on it?
A. No. It just let out a little whine.

Q. Why did the snail paint an “S” on the side of his car?
A. He wanted folks to say, “Hey, look at that S-car go!”

Q. Why did the banana go out with the fig?
A. He couldn’t get a date.

Q. What’s white, fluffy and loves bananas?
A. A merengue-utan.

Q. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A. They taste funny.

Q. What do you call a fish without any eyes?
A. A fsh.

Q. What made the cookie cry?
A. His mother was a wafer so long.

Annd, my favorite slighty NSFK food joke:

There’s a batch of muffins baking in the oven.

First Muffin to Second Muffin:
Wow! It’s really getting hot in here.

Second Muffin:
Holy shit! A talking muffin!

Know a good one (or a bad one) I’ve missed? Feel free to contribute your own in the comments. But try to keep it clean. Cupcake has tender ears.

Miss Ginsu

You might also be interested in...

Add your email for monthly food tips and inspiration

* indicates required
comments powered by Disqus