Yeah, I Know the Muffin Man

So stop me if you’ve heard this one before: There’s a batch of muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to another, “Wow! It’s hot in here.” The other muffin says, “Holy shit! A talking muffin!” (Thanks, folks! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server.) The muffin man and me, we go waaaay back. I mean, moist, delicious, snack-sized and terribly portable… what’s not to like?

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The strange poetry of coffee junkmail

This piece came attached to the bottom of a Gevalia coffee email. It is, I suppose, fairly random text meant to perplex spam filters into letting the message through. The result brought to mind a bit of “The Master and Margarita” by Bulgakov. Enjoy. *Hi, I said to all the animals. But this was a long road, and should I walk down it, I might never come back. Love what you do and do what you love This was a place without the internet, without email, without the rush of business meetings and untapped desires.

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Top ten things to do now that school is out

Top ten things to do now that school is out By G. Decker-Lee Party Play pranks on everybody Eat all the junk you saved up over the school year and go to sleep three hours early and wake up feeling stupid and throw up Beg your parents for another five hours of watching tv Think of one thousand excuses not to do your summer assignments Go to the park and get really wet Ask your parents to give you a bigger allowance Make a book of nasty comments you can use in the upcoming months Hide inside the darkest place inside your house and listen to your parents freak out Make a list of things you should do now that school is out Appropriated from issue 21 of my favorite ‘zine, neighborhoodBoy (Written by LIC elementary school kids.

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In no particular order, my favorite palindromes: May a rat tar a yam. Kayak salad = Alaska yak. Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver. Too hot to hoot. Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live. Evil olive! Doc, note I dissent: a fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. Desserts, I stressed! Cigar? Toss it in a can, it is so tragic.

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You’re a chef, huh?

“SO! What do you do?” It’s informal party-speak for: “I’d like to peek into that window in your soul, if you don’t mind.” My brainiac friends do things like extended magnetohydrodynamic modeling for fusion experiments. That line of work doesn’t leave a lot of room for casual follow-up questions. You need years of intensive physics study to form even a remotely interesting question. If you’re a professional cook, however, your occupation is intellectually accessible.

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Perennial Favorite Thing: neighborhood Boy

Scenerio: Your Author walks into TEN63, a local joint in LIC, Queens, and sees a small flyer box labeled “neighborhood Boy,” beside another box labeled “how come?” Your Author, of course, is intrigued but determined to purchase cool beverage. While standing in line for said beverage, she sees SMALL BOY enter shop, drop “neighborhood Boy” newspapers into appropriate box, open “how come?” box, and leave. Thus, we discover “neighborhood Boy” – quite possibly the coolest zine ever put out by ten-year-olds.

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About Me

Miss Ginsu is a nom-nom-nom de plume of Leitha Matz, who worked at Tabla and FreshDirect in NYC, wrote about the food scene from 2004 to 2009 in Brooklyn and presently lives in Berlin. Occasionally seen on TV cooking segments, Leitha has also written for FreshDirect, contributed to Cee Cee Berlin, The Food52 Cookbook and has been interviewed/quoted in The Food Keeper as well as The Washington Times and Salon.

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